Friday, July 31, 2009

Where is my home?

I am sharing a recent post from a friend's blog. I have never known anyone who felt the same way about this as I do, so I was very excited when I read it. Even more excited, when I think about how God puts people in our lives at different times to encourage us and to be "arrows pointing to heaven".

"There is a song titled Georgia On My Mind. It is a familiar tune richly crooned by Ray Charles and sung by countless others as they make their way through life. For some, great pride wells from the depths of their being when they hear that song. It evokes tears and wild applause from the true Georgia patriot when the lasers begin to dance around Stone Mountain and the first bars of the song echo through the night. Some travellers sing the song as they make their way through unfamiliar places and long to be home. Others sing it because they wish to visit or desire to make Georgia their home. Songs can lend a flavor of romance to a place you have never been or make you believe it about a place you have always been. For me, Georgia has not had that magical effect. I have not risen in pride when the song is played. I have always found it hard when people go on and on about the wonder of Conyers and why it is the "Garden of Eden". I have wondered if I was just missing something altogether or maybe was so jaded that I could not experience it for what it was. There have been times when I was a little jealous of those who thought the moon was hung above Georgia and there have been times when I thought they were just missing something I had found to be true for myself. I have longed to be able to place my feet on a little square of the mossy earth and say "this is home". It did not happen for me in Conyers, as it has for so many of my friends and family. So I imagined that there would come a day when I would step off a plane, breathe in the air, take a look around and say...ahhh...home. It has not happened, and as life has inched along I have at times become frightened, angry, impatient, hopeful with each new adventure that "this might be it" for me and anxious when it is not. I have become quite the connoisseur of real estate and can tell you the median market in just about every corner of the world. I know what houses look like in new Zealand, Tasmania, Morocco, France, Ukraine, New Foundland, Bahrain and the list goes on. Every little hamlet the world has never known and every major city intimately known by the world..none have escaped my hopes, my ramblings none too big or small to become my home...the place where I could finally put my roots. But as time has continued and I along with it each place I have gone, and there have been many places on many continents, none have held my heart or captured my soul. Although the places we have gone have been dreams, beautiful oasis's there has always come a time to go and it has never been difficult to leave. We have made friends, beautiful friends, but I have always been able to leave them behind for what lies ahead. It has made me feel cold and heartless at times, usually the most after I have willingly left my mother and father yet again and with, not great suffering in my heart, but rather thrilling anticipation for what lies ahead... for what is next. I have often pondered this, waiting for and watching the horizon, scanning it for my home, but it has come to me that I will never find it. I was not made for this earth, it is not my home, it never will be and that is why I am okay wandering. I am just passing through, and though I can enjoy the mile markers along the way, the beautiful, fascinating landscape created for my pleasure there will never come a time, there will never be a place I call home...a place I cannot leave behind for something more. My heart longs too much for a distant country and my Father is waiting for me there. I have always felt I was a little different from others and at times that has made me feel a tiny bit elite, but more often it has made me feel lonely and misunderstood. I really do not know why I am writing this down, especially for my family to read, but it was in me and needed pouring out. I no longer look for "my home" around every corner, I know I will never find it means there is no place I will ever fight to remain, no place the Lord cannot call me to or from, no people that cannot become family...and I am okay with that in fact, I like it."

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